I'm over the lying. I'm over that because well, I just am. Admittedly, it was something that I didn't think I would get over. Now it just leaves one last thing. But I guess that doesn't really matter anymore. You don't read this anymore anyway.

I'm sick of being told I had a choice and You didn't. You couldn't choose who you fell for, But apparently I could choose how to react. Just because your feelings were of 'love' and mine were of 'anger and upset', does NOT make my feelings any more controllable. Just because my reactions and feelings were at the end of the chain, does not mean I had the control of how to change the situation. Doesn't mean I had to be the 'bigger person' and make everything fucking alright again.

You say I walked away from your friendship and that you didn't break it. I won't allow the responsibility to be hurled onto me. You're not completely unblamable in our friendship breaking. If Adam hadn't spent that night perswading you to tell me, If Adam hadn't found out in the first place, would you have told me still? Probably Not. There is even a chance that RIGHT NOW neither of us would know. We'd have everyone screaming at us, telling us it was so obvious, but we wouldn't have believed them, because we're fools like that.

Three weeks is all. Do you expect miracles in three weeks? I'm deleted from LJ and soon MSN. Have I bitched about you, have I insulted you? No. I even made sure that that Psychology lesson was sorted out. I've made it quite clear I haven't given up hope. I haven't deleted you, I haven't had any plans to either. The only thing I can't do is look at you in the eye. But at the moment, that isn't in my control. I feel you're different. I guess I thought you were someone and that was all thrown right out the window. I thought a best friend wouldn't do that, I thought you wouldn't do that.

How can you blame me for how I feel. I lost 2 people, you lost one and gained one. So why am I expected to take this well, deal with it, move on and get on with life when I feel a chunk of me has been ripped out.

I'm fed up of being walked over. I'm fed up of being a push over. I ran because why get up just to be fucking shot down again. How can I trust that I won't be shot down again?

I wish I could. Try again. I actually wish none of this happened but it doesn't work that way.

But you're happy with him, and you care less and less each day.